For all of my life my cells have had an obsession with Freedom. An unnatural drive to be free, away from whatever hasn’t felt free.
I am now realising that after all these years of searching and exploring I am experiencing feelings of what Freedom truly is and with that I am realising what Freedom isn’t. What it all hasn’t been. What it has never been. I can sense how lost at the world i have been searching for freedom, it’s meaning, it’s place, it’s function…
In awe and wonder i am now sensing all that freedom is in its Majesty and supreme Souvereignty, pure purity, a lightness full of simplicity. An effortless beingness.. i feel in awe and wonder of its potential, its reach, its presence, its absolute reign. And all I have to do is surrender to it…
A roaring fear is welling up in me – straight panic – utter chaos, breaking of self, of identity, mirror pieces shatter on the floor of my internal world of relating to Life. The mirror was fake, the reflections only ever my own. The once mirrored wall dissolves. A vast blackness expanding as a stream of blisfull tranquility fills my cells.. “can you breathe me?”
As thoughts of trying to make sense out of this experience well up, broken mirror pieces reassemble themselves quicker than they fell apart.
I touch the mirrored wall again. Looking at all my own reflections and all my own projections.
My own life time mirrored in a time line of multi dimensions. An interlinked web of traumas and violations smoothens out as
I sense all these unresolveds that got resolved and the clarity that arose from freeing those stuck emotions become me again… here.. now.. nownow…
I wake up….
I feel curious as to what i have seen, what i have been shown in that moment of reality dissolving and freedom emerging peacefully from within all the busyness i thought was Life.
As i write this i feel that nothing that i thought i knew about freedom is even remotely true. I sense mystery… i am Willing to question the deeper function of my magnetic attraction to Freedom and come into awareness of what freedom is actually, really about.
I question the function of this dream…
It seems that instead of me reclaiming freedom,
Freedom is somehow begetting me.
Freedom is reclaiming me as i am letting it?
In my growing obsession of reclaiming Freedom
Freedom has instead slowly started consuming “me”.
If Freedom is what “I” seek has Freedom actually been seeking me because it is my Nature?!
Join me as i delve into what “I” still “believe” is “me” reclaiming “my Freedom” …
“ all it requires is surrender…. simply, letting go…… and to speak in your language; ………yo….“
I am realising “I” can’t “have” Freedom!
As i scroll over someone else’s post on facebook reading about his own inner quest in his Life on earth, i browse over and I remain stuck on this one sentence:
……”I have my own freedom.”
It all falls into place….
I realise that
That is an oxymoron, it is part of this endless senselessness that the english language inherently is filled with.
The international Babylonian “world” language of commerce and trade,
To articulate rights and ownership based on contracts that were made.
As i spoke what i felt was real and of heart i contracted others by speaking on their behalf.
You will likely.
Us…. uuggh contracts.. i can only be me.
I feel it now. Freedom can only have “me”.
So who is me?
……Freedom is feeling to be the opposite from everything that i have been taught,
everything that i have sought,
in my quest for the Freedom that i so desperately have been wanting to reclaim,
I sense now that Freedom simply “is”
and it actually has no name.
The self souvereign Will that is me is inherently, innately already free, I realise that I can’t own “my own freedom” it can only becometh of “me”.
I cant reclaim Free-dom.
It is not a domain that i can make “ my own”
It isn’t even something i can be shown.
Oh, wow i realise “I” can’t access “my” Freedom or become more of it.
I realise that Freedom can only become more of me. And if that is true, then who am “i”?
Freedom can only reclaim more of “me”. So Freedom “is”.
It is the silence, the stillness, the serenity, which is free from urges, needs, labels or ideas. Freedom doesn’t need a sound it is itself, complete in and of itself, self Souvereign.